I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
