Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
tell me about the eggs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
