Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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