Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
