Christians are straight up FREAKS
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
