Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
