R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
