i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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