btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
high people should be assigned attendants
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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