He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
