DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
