WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
