He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
