u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
