Someone shit on the floor
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
