the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize