you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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