# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
