he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
