maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
