Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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