And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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