i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
