Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
