Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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