What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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