Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
