Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You did what with his pubic hair?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
