I queefed so loud it echoed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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