Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
