So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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