Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
