I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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