today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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