i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
