direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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