now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
