Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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