so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
