yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
