It's Friday. Sex?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
