we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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