Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
