Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
