I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
