her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hippo gnu deer
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
