P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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