White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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