So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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