So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
