Ambien. No doubt about it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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