It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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