RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
