so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
