Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
