Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
