she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
