If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
