All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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