none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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