Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
