I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
