The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
