Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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