so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
