Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
