omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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