okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
