I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
