I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize