No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
