im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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