Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
