the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
