I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
