He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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